WHAT I DID
Sunday, March 9
I’ve been here, there, everywhere but there’s been no conviction to it. Yes, yes, take me to the opera now. I don’t pretend to think the things I don’t believe, but you rewire your brain away from nihilism, you spend a few years working on this task, really, and when all is said and done, resuscitation complete, you find in its place… an alarming passivity. That can’t be right. This week, I’ll be drawing new conclusions.
Lying in bed and David is saying “I think giving up drinking is the solution and I think I’m ready to do that and, I might also take up eastern meditation.”
“We're doing all this shit because we’re insincere swindling motherfuckers, we have no beliefs, our only beliefs are pleasure,” David is also saying.
And I’m saying uh uh. And now David is saying, “put that in your substack, put in ‘i think i'm going to take up eastern meditation as well.” And now he shows me all these photos of his strange friends from the strange Decentralized Networking Platform stuff, or maybe these are just friends from parties or maybe, really, there is not much difference. But the friends are wearing big T-Shirts and flipping each other off, and David introduces me to the friends in the images like a cast of characters in a movie, or maybe like you introduce people in Real Life. Here is M. Here is C. and I say I know, I know, I know who these people are but no, I haven’t seen the photos yet, and so I let him scroll.
You should also know: the sun returned today.
Monday, March 10
In my Dialectics of NightLife piece that the new-ish magazine asked me to write, I am not sure how much of it all to include. "I don't include things like throwing things across the room and screaming," I told the girl at a party last week when she asked me how to be intimate online. "The throwing things and screaming is the most interesting part though," she said, which is what people always say when I share a disturbing detail from my life as an example of something I don't write about.
I read something recently that has been making me reconsider my approach. Not to the nightlife piece. The approach to El Salvador, more. The approach in general, really. I am intrigued by things because they are strange. I find myself in a lot of situations as such. I don't want to cast judgments - this is bad or, this is good. But I think too, one can say yes, this part is good and this part is bad but I am not here because of good or bad, I am here because I was intrigued because this is strange. You are pretending that you just woke up and found yourself here one day, lying in the palm grove, lying on bitcoin beach, surrounded by red light and zyn and mastic gum of the gods. And maybe you were just kind of placed here. In another sense, you kind of sought this out. In another sense, you exercised a tremendous amount of agency and borderline being a stalker sometimes to then find yourself where you are now.
Once I arrived, I was asked to stay, and then what was there left to say? Yes, ok I suppose I will then. This among other things is why I would be easily indoctrinated into a cult. I am not at present, in a cult. I've tried my luck with a few, but nothing quite has made the cut. Not the cut of Drawing Me In. The cut of Qualifying As A Cult.
I'm going to a crypto conference tonight, David tells me and as if by instinct, as if like a child, residual panic at being left behind, at being left all alone in the first spring breeze, knees tucked up to my chest, watching the sunset on the terrace and being struck in a visceral way by how much time I continue to have - as if all of this would be so bad I pipe right up: "can I come??" And David says "are you interested in {technical stuff i don't understand} and I say no but I'm interested in crypto culturally, for the El Salvador piece.
The guy giving the lecture is wearing a shirt that says something like "hey nerds" "what's up nerds" something like that, but I forgot to write it down. Sometimes, these conferences are fun because there are lots of characters and drinks and sometimes sparkly little powders though I don't like to really take these but it's fun when others are. This conference is a real conference capital C though. Or, a "meet up”, they say. Soho WeWork location and all. Sugar free red bull and gatorade and pizza and all. There is no fun to be had here. And so we make our way all through shiny Nolita instead.
Tuesday, March 11
The things I overhear begin the process of reconsidering all over again. You confess that the knee jerk reaction is one of possession over things you do not even want. You confess that you do not want to tell that story even if this particular story is one that has always been yours. We go to Tiny Bar, and then the Odeon. Earlier, it was like they were doing a character study in the things you overheard.
Wednesday, March 12
I went to St Dymphna tonight, but I didn't hear a single reading and I didn't watch Heat (1995) when I got home, even though David had it playing on the projector, even though he kept on playing scenes of significance over and over and over again. This is me and you, he kept saying, when some girl in some house with some glistening pool in Los Angeles calls her husband names like gambling addict and child the years keep passing by, and then the husband screeches off through Hollywood in a nice sleek car. It's not us, really, but this wouldn't be so bad. I want to party beautifully forever, David said a while ago. The key part being: beautifully. Maybe this is how people party in Los Angeles. This isn't really how people party in New York.
And I should have gone to Poetry Project, to the after party for the Anne Imhoff show which I am guilty to admit I never saw in the first place and now it's too late, to the club, maybe. It's not that I worry what I missed, it is just that time passes faster when I am not here there everywhere, and I like it best when time slows down. In my dreams, my consciousness can take one second and turn it into one year.
Here are the songs tonight. And the shoes are the shearling style cowboy boots my grandmother gave me from her closet last thanksgiving.
It is blue hour dusk and we are having a dinner party. And my life has never been sweeter. There are other things too, but this is the thing to return to.
David is going to make a brilliant green extract, he tells me. This is not for tonight (tonight is potato leek soup) but this is for later. This is for when he makes the halibut and the fingerling potatoes
WHAT YOU SHOULD DO
Monday, March 17
From 6pm - 10pm at Jean’s — Loser’s returns, with guinness chocolate cake, irish cocktail specials, green cinnamon rolls, and stuffed cabbage. You better wear green!!!
From 7:30pm - 10pm at Artx — Dimes Square is closing forever! But first, it’s coming back through March 22. If you haven’t seen this production yet, you should! You can read My Dimes Square Think Piece here.
I’m going to The Dead Rabbit for Saint Patrick’s Day. This is the only place in the Financial District with a soul.
Tuesday, March 18
From 9pm in the Lower East Side (dm @Jackiearielle for location) — Painters Pool returns. A weekly party for painters and friends, Tuesday in New York and Thursday in LA. Gather your painter friends - that's your ticket in.
Wednesday, March 19
From 7pm at KGB Red Room — Tom Willis’s Soho Reading Series is in New York. Readings from Nico Walker, Anika Jade Levy, Zans Brady Krohn, Christian Lorentzen, Megan Nolan, Sophie Kemp, and Yasemin Kopmaz.
From 7pm at 99 Canal, Floor 6 — Performance Talks Book Club goes deep into performance criticism, using the barrage of reviews on Anne Imhof’s DOOM as a case study. Hosted by Alessandra Gómez and Jeanette Bisschops. Featuring John Arthur Peetz and Paige K. Bradley.
From 7pm - midnight at Jean’s— Party Girls Never Die hosts Persian New Year, a Norooz celebration - supper club and party
From 8pm at The Gutter LES — Zora & Nolita Dirtbag are hosting a bowling tournament. Teams from Supreme, Bar Oliver, FeedMe, Perfectly Imperfect, Throwing Fits, and more. Must download the Zora app and show profile for entry.
From 8pm - 11pm at Night Club 101 — Kinlaw celebrates her album release (Gut Ccheck out March 21). I spoke with Kinlaw about momentum, feedback, and this exciting forthcoming album for Document Journal. She will be performing on Wednesday, but “maybe not in the way that you think.”
Thursday, March 20
From 5pm - 7pm at Dover Street Market — Luisa Opalesky and a special guest will be in conversation, followed by a book signing to celebrate the launch of “Big City Nobody.” Drinks provided by Rose Bakery and Hendrick’s Gin | Rsvp to rsvp@dsm-ny.com
From 6pm - 9pm at 205 Hudson Street, the Hunter MFA studios — Blade Study presents ’Hello Eternal Loving Presence’ - a group exhibition featuring works by Mariel Rolwing Montes (Blade Study’s current exhibiting artist), Aashish Gadani, Jacob Muilenburg, Katelyn Reece Farstad, Marc Ferraro, Shannon Pritchard, and Yuhan Hu.
From 7pm - 9pm at Baby’s All Right — Date Time returns with a SPRING EQUINOX speed dating event.
From 6pm at Funny Bar — Sophie Kemp and Forever Mag celebrates the launch of Kemp’s Paradise Logic. Music from Arthur Sillers and Zach Phillips. Prom attire encouraged.
From 8pm at 8 St. Marks — The NonSchool hosts an evening of readings with musical accompaniment. Ft. K Hank Jost, Izzy Casey, Michael Bible, and Liza St. James.
From 6:30pm at McNally Jackson Seaport — Publishing 101 Series kicks off with Literary Agent 101, featuring Meredith Kaffel Simonoff, Alia Hanah Habib, and Kate Dwyer. - “This series aims to demystify the publishing process through conversations with industry professionals who have done it all, and seen it all.”
From 7pm at Ace Hotel New York (20 W 29th St) — Casual Encountersz + Sammy Loren present On The Rag Issue One Launch. Ft Tig Sigfrids, Thomas Dozol, Stephanie Wambugu, Alex Auder, Alexis Okeowo, Krithika Varagur, Isaac Trochopoulos, DJ Naomi Asa, and special guests.
From 10pm - 2am at Gonzo’s — SOMA hosts Spring Break. Dress your Cancun best!
(Los Angeles) From 7pm at 1640 N Spring St, Floor 1 — Car Crash Collective and Current Jam present a Fire Benefit Event. Readings by Aiden Arata, Greg Mania, Brandon Sward, Brandon Harris, and Madde Connors. DJ sets by Perfect Angel Protection Force.
OF FURTHER INTRIGUE
C Magazine New Critics Award submissions are open through May 30
TENSE is back on March 28. I will be reading, alongside a lineup I am very excited about. Save the date.
I’m going to El Salvador on Thursday. I am pretty confident in my El Salvador Guide from over the summer, but if you have additional recommendations, send them my way.
I recommend Brutto on the roof of the bambu center. If you want something very fancy similar to Monarca you can check out La Gastroteca. Also on the volcano there is La Pampa but I prefer Las Brumas. And don’t forget to stop by Superb, I’m sure someone you’re there with will have an in